Nine weeks ago we became the happiest parents of the most beautiful girl in the world and this is the story of our miracle…
Being married for five years without a child we figured out something is wrong with us … we had wanted a baby so much yet we couldn’t get pregnant. Babies were all around us, but none of them had been our baby.
So, we had made a decision – let’s check out what’s wrong. And after countless tests the diagnosis turned out to be – SEPARATION!
Due to my husband’s work we were able to spend together only 5 months each year. Okay, at least we were healthy. So, after being diagnosed we got down to business. With the first insemination scheduled for May 2008, we were hoping for so much. We were convinced we had made it. After all, both my husband and I had been healthy and there was nothing preventing us to get pregnant. Fourteen days later we were shocked – a failure and a river of tears to follow. A few days later, once our cheeks dried of tears we scheduled for the second insemination. Another bust. By now we started worrying. We couldn’t figure it out. We couldn’t make it, yet there’s nothing that would imply the reasons why.
Summer had come and we were charging our batteries for the next attempt. Our third insemination was scheduled for the beginning of December. We hadn’t been thinking about it that much but were rather making Christmas and New Year’s Eve plans instead, hoping everything will run smooth this time around. We had decided this time we won’t be so stressed out about making it (thinking this may actually be the way to go).
And then – another bust. My beta results had been below 1. At that time I really wished my beta results would have shown at least a little above that infamous number 1, which would still mean a failure, but for me it would have at least been a step forward.
We went to the clinic again and were headed for our first IVF procedure. Hopes had risen fuelled by statistics. Stimulation had been agreed upon and I react well. Two eggs had been fertilized and a transfer had been set up for the third day. This time our hopes were at a record high. And yet – we failed again. That was it. I had been devastated. I wanted to give up and just silently stare at the wall for hours. Our world had collapsed and I really needed a break from all of that. I needed a mental break more than a physical one because this time the stimulation had included lower doses and I could chase the goals immediately.
Still, the desire to have a baby prevailed. Went to the clinic again and agreed to try again. This time, the stimulation had included higher doses and I had reacted perfectly. Folliculometry had shown 12 eggs and a perfect endometrium. The puncture had also been fine. Eight eggs were taken, six were fertilized and the deal was to continue to the blastocyst stage. The next day we got a call from the biologist telling us the eggs are doing fine and we scheduled for a transfer on the 5th day. We had arrived for the transfer shooting for the moon with optimism and full of hope, all of us, the doctor, the biologists and we. We had 4 very good blastocysts.
We struck a deal – we wanted two blastocysts back, freezing the remaining two. I still remember the conversation we had had with the biologist who had said they keep them for five years and that at any point during those five years when we will want the second baby we come and get them. We couldn’t help but laugh. Second baby????!? We haven’t gotten the first one yet!
The transfer went fine. I was resting at home with my husband doing all the work around the house and we were simply waiting to hear the good news. The day before I was supposed to go to do my beta test I started bleeding and was shocked – again. This time, the cut had been the deepest. Didn’t even had to do the blood test. I had known it was another failure and said – ENOUGH. I couldn’t do it anymore. Not to mention, beta had again been below the infamous number 1.
After having talked to my husband and the doctors, we had decided to do the next transfer the following month. They weren’t giving us much hope, but it was worth a try. And it had been the smoothest one we ever had. No stimulation, no puncture …
When I arrived for transfer, I had not been stressed out at all. To this day I have no idea why it was so. For the very first time I went into that clinic as if I was going out for a cup of coffee with friends. By that time, I had actually been friends with everyone at the clinic. The transfer was quick and all I had to do was to go home and rest. With the dull and rainy days at that time, I didn’t even want to go out. I was just counting the 10 days I had to wait to go do the beta test.
Day 10 had arrived. I got to the lab to draw blood and I remember just telling the people there to write that infamous number 1 on my test results. Just didn’t want the result to start with zero point something. Of course, they were looking at me thinking I have gone crazy. The feeling was mutual.
Hours of waiting followed. I was looking at my watch hoping to see it’s 2pm because they said that’s when they will send me an email with my results. And you wouldn’t believe it – the results didn’t start with zero nor the infamous 1. The first number was TWO. It said 237.5.
And now, this little miracle sleeps next to me. I look at her and I still find it hard to get to my head that I am a mom. Mom – how miraculous the word sounds…